The Joy of Possession (revised)

I think I have adopted a new character trait. Possessiveness.

Per dictionary.com, possessiveness means:
Jealously opposed to the personal independence of, or to any influence other than one’s own, upon a child, spouse, etc.

Merriam-webster.com gives this definition:
Manifesting possession or the desire to own or dominate

Both, I think, define something a tad bit stronger than what I feel, though not by much. I have realized lately that I am becoming incredibly stingy of my time with Baby. And let’s don’t forget that I am carrying Baby still! In my stomach! Therefore, I am the ONLY one that has complete Baby time!!

Now, to be quite fair, I don’t desire to dominate Baby or deny Baby his or her independence. That would be just plain psycho, possibly throwing me into the category of ‘Unfit Mother’, and deservingly so. However, I do love the ownership that I have right now over Baby.

Think of it. I never have to leave my Little Monster. Where ever I go, Baby is with me. I don’t have to fret over leaving Baby when I go to work…he/she is there with me! When I get ready to go visit with friends or family, Baby’s there! There’s no discussion of whether Baby stays home or rides with me…I always win! When Chris visits friends that are hours away from us I don’t have to be sad about not seeing Baby over lunch that day. Why?! Oh yes! Baby is with me. I am the master of Baby’s little domain and I love it. Right now I don’t have to share my little one with anyone! It’s pure, 100%, unadulterated Mommy/Baby bonding time…all the time.

And yet sometimes I still feel like it’s not enough. Almost like my body is realizing that that time is coming to an end and it’s sending me into a warped reality where I feel the need to cower down over my belly so no one can take it from me. I think, Chris, I have finally crossed over the threshold that takes me from sane and rational individual into psycho cavewoman Mommy. I thought I had more time…

Of course, this could all be the by-product of the intense fatigue I’ve been suffering from lately. I choose to project the blame, thank you.


Update: Well, after a considerably more restful night I realize just how crazy this sounds. Nevertheless, I do think it's really great right now that I can keep Baby with me all the time. I know things will be different when Baby is here and I have to go back to work. It just makes me sad that there will be so much time that I have to spend away from Baby, but that is life and I will learn to make the absolute most of the time I have with my little one.