A Year Without Him

One year ago now we lost Jake.  I can't believe it's been that long, but I can still feel the hurt of losing him so strongly.  Every time I walk out to Jake's tree I still have to wipe tears from my eyes. Tears that even after this long I can't control.  It's the dogwood where he would lay with us in the evenings after our bike rides; where he'd watch as Chris cut grass; where he'd settle down when Chris and I would head to town; where we'd all ultimately end up after an afternoon of chase, and where at last he watched Chris dig his grave.  

I can see that day as clearly in my mind as if it all happened yesterday.  The most unfortunate part of losing Jake for me wasn't just that he died, but that Chris and I had to make the decision that it was his time to go.  We found out just before Christmas the year before that Jake had cancer and over the next 6 1/2 months we watched him slowly become less and less of himself until we finally had to make the call.  And while at the time I thought I'd never forgive myself for my part in the decision, I've been comforted by my memories of Jake and the realization over time that he was suffering.  We were watching our pal wither away and I've accepted that what we did was just.  

So, this picture may not seem like much to anyone else, but to Chris and me it's speaks volumes. This isn't just a patch of grass that Chris missed while cutting grass one day.  This is a reminder of our buddy Jake.  He's buried in the field near his tree and our garden.  You can't see it here, but in the ground before the daisies bloom is his name, spelled out with rocks - a special touch by Chris.  With Spring this year, came these daisies...  And a sweet reminder that even though we can't have Jake with us, life goes on and we were lucky to have had him as part of ours. 

And on a less sensitive note, here's a funny little image of Arwen.  Oh yes, it's a battle to the end to see who wins in the diaper changing challenge!  She has gotten big enough now to wriggle her way out of her cloth diapers and it's a game of cat and mouse...meaning that we generally chase her all over her mat until the Snappi has sealed her securely in her wrap.

And the winner is: